L is Weird
by PorcupineWeirdo
Summary: Sometimes, L does some strange things. One-sided Light/L T for swearing
1. Chapter 1

Originally a crackfic, but got long and sorta uncracky. Now it's just weird. L/Light one-sided.

OMGWTF

"Any new info on the Kira case, L?" Light asked.

"Yes, captain, I will enter them in the Captain's Log." L responded.

"What?" Light was left confused, as L began to talk into a microphone.

"Ek'rasahkos thuhk vesh' afer-tor ne' Simon's kitau-skaf fi' kwiglan."

"Sorry, I have no idea what your saying. It's like another language! What, French? Really, L-"

"That's Mr. Spock to you!"

"…right. Mr. Spock, please tell me what language that was and translate into English."

"That language was Vulcan, captain. You should know. It translates out to…'Evil cheese was found under Simon's desk on television.'"

"And that's important to us, how?"

"Because, I'm gonna go into your dreams and kill you!!! Come to Freddy!!!!"

"Oh, your Freddy now?"

"…"

"Well?"

L/Spock/Freddy/Jason holds up the machete, just as he was about to swing it, Matsuda came to save the day!

"L, what's gotten into you?" Light asked. Matsuda was holding L down.

"Ahh, a dinosaur!" L yelled, pointing at Matsuda, "I never should have come to Jurassic Park!"

Matsuda slowly backed away and left the room.

"What next, a Godzilla reference?"

"I LOVE YOU JACK!!!" L screamed and hugged Light. Light blushed.

"NEVER LET GO!!! MAKE IT COUNT!!!! YOU JUMP, I JUMP!!!!"

L continued to pretend to shiver and talk about how stupid the Titanic was for sinking.

"Do do do dooo do do doooo," L began to hum the Indiana Jones theme song while pretending slash a whip.

Light just sorta gave up and watching. Maybe he would start stripping next.

"Fuck you, asshole." L said in a voice that resembled Arnold's.

L then came close to Light, so that their faces were almost touching.

"I believe that whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you…stranger…" Then, L put a pencil in Light's mouth.

"I made the pencil disappear!" Light stuttered a bit.

"And I thought my jokes where bad. I imagined a world without Kira, and it seemed so…boring."

L walked into the room where the rest of the Kira investigators where.

"I know why you have your little…group therapy sessions in broad daylight…the Kira." He said.

"Uh, yah that's kinda the point, L." Matsuda said. Then L ran back into the room Light was in.

"The Phantom of the Opera is there inside your mind!" L sang to Light, then sealed it off with a kiss. Light touched his lips.

L walked dramatically in the other direction. Then he turned to Light.

"Light…I…am your father."

Then he kinda flinched and yelled, "The cake is a lie!" before shutting down.

Then, a moment later, he awoke.

"Hey Light." As L noticed the position he was in, he came to a realization.

"I fell asleep again. Sometimes, since my body isn't used to it, when I sleep I do some weird things. Think nothing of anything I just did." L stood up and dusted himself off.

"Let's get back to work."

Light just stood there staring at the detective.


	2. Chapter 2

The very next day, Light was trying to investigate some new occurrences in the Kira case, but L wasn't really helping. In fact, L was crouching on his chair in his usual way, staring straight ahead, thinking.

"Oi, L, I could use some help over here."

"…"

"…L?" Light was really hoping that L wouldn't fall asleep again.

"Light Yagami…"

"Yes…?"

"I want to play a little game."

Light was sort of confused. He was beginning to suspect that L had, in fact, fallen asleep.

"What kind of game?" Light asked.

"I want you…to kill Matsuda!"

"What?"

"You have until 6:00, or else I will kill you."

Light was now fairly certain that L was asleep again. He shook his head and tried to ignore the maniacal laughter coming from the seat next to him. This was not as easy as it sounds.

"When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth!" L groaned and moaned and made several other zombie noises, and then he began to eat Light's ear. L thought it was tasty, for he was a zombie.

'Just ignore it…just ignore it…' Light chanted to himself. He was very relieved when zombie L stopped eating him.

Then L took out a magnifying glass and put on a trench coat and fedora. I do not know where he got such objects. L began to smoke a pipe, for all detectives smoke pipes.

"It's elementary, my dear Watson." L pet Light on the shoulder, then roundhouse-kicked him into next Tuesday Chuck-Norris-Style. Somehow, Light remained unharmed and stayed in Friday.

Light decided now was the time to run away.

But that didn't work, because suddenly the whole room filled up with water!!!

…no your not supposed to believe this.

L became a mermaid and started to sing. Yeah. Light didn't get a chance to take a breath before going under water, so he was too distracted to notice that L had a lovely singing voice.

The water began to drain away, leaving about half the room full of water, ¼ of it empty, and ¼ of it filled with a confused Matsuda.

"Eep! Shark!" L swam to Light and hugged him.

"A shark! Where?" Light was panicking, sharks aren't good. (Stating the obvious.)

The shark began swimming towards the two, then came out of the water to show it's face.

The shark was Matsuda.

The water drained away, and Masuda exploded.

L stood up, dusted himself off, turned to Light and said,

"It appears I have fallen asleep again. I apologize."

Light wiped off some off Matsuda's brains that had fallen on him.

"I'm Kira. I'm going to go kill myself now." Light left.

"I didn't think it would actually work." L smiled.


End file.
